3 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Started Working at a Church

I’ve heard it said that starting off well in marriage is all about creating appropriate expectations.

I still remember reading Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Les and Leslie Parrott. My then fiancé and I found the questions posed in that book so helpful in discussing our expectations for marriage. I’m so grateful that there was a resource available to help me prepare for marriage.

You would have thought that I was smart enough to translate the principles from that book to other areas of my life. For example, I should have thought through expectations before starting a job in church world.

Nope.

I went into my first ministry role thinking everything would be perfect... like I had just stepped across the Jordan River into the Promised Land. Wrong again!

Here are three things I wish I would have known before starting my first ministry job.

1. DISCIPLESHIP TAKES FOREVER!

I come from a long line of water well drillers. I’m 5th generation in fact.

One of the best things about being a water well driller is that it is tangible work. Each day you set out to drill someone a well. When you are finished, people have water to drink. You can see it flowing out of the ground. You can taste it. It’s satisfying to watch a family enjoy the work of your hands. And then you go home feeling like you did something. It’s beautiful to feel the sense of accomplishment that comes with a job well done.

It didn’t take me long to figure out that in ministry, it’s hard to find that sense of accomplishment. The funny thing about ministering to people is that people aren’t a project that can be finished. The funny thing about discipleship is that it is never-ending process. We’re never done pursuing Jesus and the life He is calling us to live.

In addition, the process is incredibly slow! Spiritual formation is much more like growing trees than it is like growing dandelions.

[tweetthis]Spiritual formation is much more like growing trees than it is like growing dandelions.[/tweetthis]

In the early days of my ministry career I struggled with the transition from water well driller to pastor. I couldn’t point to any wells that were gushing water. I could only point to a bunch of teenagers who were hopefully growing spiritually.

Maybe you’re feeling the same tension. Something that helped me navigate this struggle was mixing tangible projects with relational ministry.

For example, writing a devotional for students or redesigning a ministry environment. These are projects that can be finished. If you are new to ministry or if you lead someone who is new to ministry, it might be wise to find projects that are tangible and have a finish line.

It just might preserve your sanity.

(Update 2/23/17: You may also find our more recent post helpful on finding ways to measure spiritual growth.)

2. PRAISE IS INTOXICATING

For better or worse, as a water well driller you don’t get a lot of:

“That is amazing water. You just changed my life!”

People are more likely to say:

“Wait how much did you charge me?!?!”

However, in ministry, you do get a lot of comments like these:

“That was an amazing sermon!”
“You are such a gifted musician!”
“We are just so grateful for your ministry to our kids!”

Can I be honest for a moment? All this praise can be intoxicating.

If you aren’t careful, it can really start to go to your head. Worse yet, it is easy to start craving the praise. For those of you who preach regularly, what about the weekends when you don’t get tons of compliments after the service. That can do crazy things to your emotions too.

What I discovered is that ministry has a way of exposing your insecurities. It didn’t take me long to realize that I value what people think about me and say about me way more than I should.

A few years into my ministry career I was facing the startling realization that I was serving people for their praise instead of serving God so that He might be praised.

These days, you’ll find a prayer repeated in my prayer journal over and over and over:

"Remind me that this is about You, and not about me."

If you are new to ministry, or if you struggle with the same insecurities as I do, could I suggest making this prayer a regular part of your day?

Another strategy that has helped me is to surround myself with people who aren’t all that impressed with me. You can explore more ideas on the dangers of ego in ministry in my previous post on signs of ministry burnout.

3. NO IS NOT A NAUGHTY WORD

When I was new in ministry I had a hard time saying no to anything.

Why? Because ministry is important!

How do you say no to someone who wants to meet with you to discuss something they are struggling with? How do you say no to someone who asks you to lead worship at their event on Friday night? What? Am I supposed to say no to worshipping God?!?

Here’s the thing: It’s easy to say no to bad ideas and bad opportunities. It’s incredibly difficult to say no to good ideas and good opportunities, especially if you are a people pleaser like me.

I’ll be honest, it took a very long time before I started saying no to opportunities without feeling like a bad pastor. What flipped the switch for me was the realization that God hasn’t gifted and called me to do everything. He’s called me and gifted me to do a few things and do them well.

I had to learn to prioritize what is most important in my life. Now, I process each request or opportunity through a priority grid.

I realize that this might sound incredibly unspiritual but have you ever prioritized the roles in your life and ministry? For example, here are a few roles in my life:

• Preacher and Teacher
• Worship Leader
• Manager and Leader
• Writer and Blogger
• Ministry Consultant
• Volleyball Player
• Father and Husband
• Friend

Here’s the question: What’s most important? What gets priority? At the end of the day, what has God called and gifted you for?

What I learned is that until I prioritized what’s most important I had a very hard time saying “no” to anything.

[tweetthis]Until I prioritized what’s most important I had a very hard time saying “no” to anything.[/tweetthis]

Here’s my suggestion: First, make a list of your roles. Then, prayerfully prioritize your roles. Next, start saying yes or no to requests and opportunities based on priority.

If you’d like to learn more about the idea of prioritizing and saying no, I'd recommend reading Essentialism by Greg McKeown.

There you have it; three things I wish I would have known before starting out in ministry. I hope this has been helpful.

For those of you who are ministry veterans, would you mind sharing with us something you wish someone would have told you before starting ministry? Feel free to leave your stories, questions or thoughts in the comments below.