How a Ministry Leader Should Deliver Difficult Feedback

I would not be the ministry leader I am today without some hard conversations along the way. I’m talking about corrective conversations and difficult feedback conversations. Did I enjoy them?  Of course not!  Were they necessary for my development? Absolutely. 

So, here’s what I want to encourage you with today: Difficult feedback conversations are a gift to the people you lead…if you do them the right way. So, let’s talk about how to deliver difficult feedback in a way that grows and develops the people you lead. 

Trust

Not every feedback conversation I’ve been a part of has gone well. I’m talking about both conversations where I received difficult feedback and where I delivered difficult feedback. When these conversations have gone well, one of the foundational reasons has been trust. 

When I know someone is for me, it’s a lot easier to hear difficult feedback. When I believe that what I’m hearing is for my benefit and growth, it’s a lot easier to receive it. 

One of the wisest things you can do as a leader is build trust with the people you lead. Building trust is like accumulating money in an account that you can later withdraw from in the form of difficult feedback. 

What I’m trying to say is that the best way to ensure that future difficult feedback conversations go well is by building trust with people now. 

Facts vs. Opinions

“Well, that’s just their opinion.” 

One of the reasons people reject feedback is because it is presented as an opinion. Saying things like,

“Your sermon wasn’t good.” 

Or 

“You’re just not doing a good job.” 

These are opinions. And, it’s easy to discount opinions, especially if you don’t trust the person. 

The key to delivering difficult feedback is to use facts and data instead of opinions. For example, 

“Your sermon was 50 minutes long. The target is 40 minutes. Next time you preach, you need to keep it to 40 minutes.”

“Your job description states that a key to your success is recruiting volunteers. Your ministry is short of 10 volunteers. I need you to recruit 10 more volunteers before September.” 

Facts and data. Not opinions. Anyone can argue with an opinion. It’s much harder to argue with facts and data. Also, speaking in terms of data will focus the conversation around performance rather than personality. This is crucial, because if I feel like you are attacking my character, I’m going to have trouble listening to your feedback, but if you are pointing out a “thing” that I need to improve, that is something I can receive. 

When and Where

When it comes to delivering difficult feedback, there is the content of what you say and then there is how you say it. You can use all the right words but say them in the wrong way. Tone is a big part of this, but also when and where you have the conversation. 

For example, have you ever been corrected in front of co-workers or friends? I’m guessing you were immediately on the defensive.  Have you ever received difficult feedback when you are running late for your kid’s soccer game? You just don’t have the mental and emotional space at that time. 

When and where you choose to have a difficult feedback conversation is just as important as what you plan to say. Ensure that the conversation takes place in a private place that feels safe for a person to receive difficult feedback. Also, make sure there’s adequate time for a conversation. A good feedback conversation includes more than the “telling,” there should be room for questions, examples and clarification. 

Your Job and Their Job 

One last piece of advice.  Remember what is your job and what isn’t your job. Managers often end up getting managed by the people they manage because they take on work and responsibilities that are not theirs to own. This can happen with feedback. 

Wrap Up

As a leader, it’s your job to deliver difficult feedback in a way that is receivable and actionable. It’s not your job to change the person’s behavior or performance. That’s theirs to own. If you are owning their behaviors and performance, you are short-circuiting their development. You can encourage and offer suggestions, but they need to own it.  In other words, point out the problem, point them in the right direction, but require them to move. 

Delivering difficult feedback is one of the greatest opportunities for influence that you have as a leader. This is a pivot avenue for development and growth. I hope this post has been helpful in equipping you to deliver difficult feedback in a way that is receivable and actionable.